The PASTOR Wife

For the most part, the pastor serves as the spiritual leader and overseer of the church, spending countless hours teaching, preaching, and counseling others. He may challenge or encourage his flock to draw closer and dedicate one’s life to the Lord. In doing so, a pastor is forever trying to lead others down a path of righteousness, which means a change for many of many of our members. Some are willing and some are not so willing.

A pastor’s calling is a marvelous calling but at times, can be very challenging, lonely, exciting, frustrating, and yet very satisfying. Just as it is important for any man to have a help mate, it is doubly important for a pastor to have that “special someone” to assist and fulfill God’s calling for their “special work” or ministry.

The Bible does not address the involvement of the pastor's wife in any ministry. In other words, the pastor and his wife determine how active the pastor's wife should be. The main area of responsibility for any wife is to support and be submissive to her husband (Ephesians 5:22-24) . However, if the Lord calls a man into the ministry, He calls the whole man, and that includes the man's wife and his family.

In reality, there is no cookie cutter approach on the actual role of a pastor’s wife. The wife does not do the work of the pastor, but the pastor and his wife are a team who are yoked together to do God's work. Few recognize the reality of this and want to put the pastor's wife in a box and delegate to her to do some type of traditional church work, submitting, keeping the home fires burning, and of course, being a prayer supporter for her husband. That certainly is a responsibility, but quite often the pastor's wife has gifts that can and should be used in the ministry.
Her role does not necessarily include playing the piano or organ, being an extra worker in the church, or even the women’s ministry leader.

I have heard a pastor’s wife state that her role is basically the same as any other wife in the church to honor and support her husband. As a pastor's wife, she would not be necessarily employed by the church, but would utilize her God-given gifts to volunteer in different areas of ministry. She then went on to say that her priorities are to God first, then to her husband and children, and then to the members of the church.

A pastor’s wife has a very special role in the church and in the life of the pastor. She will often keep her husband’s long hours, shoulder his pressures, feel his disappointments, and suffer his defeats often as profoundly and as deeply as he does. She will often analyze sermons, catching grammatical errors, smile in the face of criticism and negative comments about her husband and children.
There is no other occupation besides, perhaps, being the actual First Lady in which a spouse is so defined by what her husband does. I cannot think of a single instance in which a woman was expected to give up her gifts and calling in service of her husband, the dentist…Or lawyer…Or doctor. But a woman who is married to a pastor will inevitably face expectations about her role in the congregation that have nothing to do with how she is gifted by God.

A pastor’s wife provides a sounding board for her husband to vent, brainstorm, and question his progress or goals, yet encouraging and steadfast to support the vision that God has given to them. She is often a nurse, healing emotional wounds that seem to cause many pastors to give up. She is a counselor that helps her husband to work out difficulties that are too close for him to see. She is a lover and protector to shield him from harm and to provide the loving care that is so vitally needed, especially when one feels they are in a lonely profession. Many pastors do not have close friends with whom they can vent or share their problems. A pastor’s wife provides that companionship that encourages him to continue even when he feels like giving up.

One of the truly remarkable qualities of a pastor’s wife is when they are able to show a faithful love for the members they serve. I believe there is a special anointing upon the pastor’s wife to go beyond the normal call of duty. It is a patient love, almost as if the person they are helping is a small child. A pastor’s wife often understands that baby Christians, no matter how old, can be acting out because they are hurting.

A pastor’s wife may face other difficulties, such as people in the church expecting her to know everything about what is going on in the church, such as the events, planning, or what a church member may be going through as if she is the pastor. Some pastor’s wives have jokingly remarked, “I am not the pastor, I am only his wife!”

Other difficulties may include career pursuits outside of the church. It is wise to address this issue before accepting the church. It is also wise to remain a part of your husband’s ministry, attending and supporting as many functions or activities as possible, but without damaging your career or ignoring the needs of the flock. Balance in the ministry is very important as well as setting priorities with yourself, your husband, family, and church.
To be continued....










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